Hi! how are you doing? It’s been a minute right? I sincerely apologize for the lack of a new post but my brain needed a break and a reset cos I was feeling uninspired to share and I didn’t want to share a post just for the sake of it. Today marks the 10th wedding anniversary for me and my husband and I am writing this post in my hotel room at 5:30am because I wanted to get it out today cos I am in New York City for Fashion week. My day is about to get crazy but this is my moment to pause and share a honest post with you.
You Get What You Put In
If I told you marriage after 10 years has gotten easier than day one I would be flat out lying to you, lol. Which brings me to first lesson I have learnt this past years. You Get What You Put In. Just like with work, business, our relationships with our friends, etc it’s no different with marriage. Just because you spend most of your life with someone doesn’t mean the relationship is superior in any way. Sow in good seeds daily and you will reap just that and vice versa. Also remember the process of sowing and reaping takes time, so don’t rush the process.
Give yourself a pass
I especially think this applies to us females. I remember as a newly wed, I had this idea of what I wanted to see in my marriage you know I had this (crazy perfect picture in my head) and every single time I fell short whether it was my fault or maybe my spouse (I mean I am right most times *inserts joke) I felt everything was crumbling. I felt I had failed. I am not saying I have mastered this act of giving myself a pass (so far from it) but I have learnt to give myself a pass and embrace things and not get bugged down about the little things cos honestly that’s what it is.
I think this honestly is the reason behind marriage. Life was about ME, ME, ME before marriage. My dreams, my goals, my everything (I mean I care for others, I extend a hand but ultimately I had my goals, spiritual, financial, blah, blah, blah!) but marriage changed that for me cos now I know it’s no longer about my purpose but Our Purpose. I still wrestle with this somedays but our best days happen when I consider my spouse & my kids when I make Life Plans. I am not neglecting my purpose, I have just learnt to include them in the process and we are creating a life that I am not only happy with but most importantly I know God is pleased with.
Respect is reciprocal
I am mouthy yes super and I am still working on this but let’s just say marriage has taught me how much this is so important. I know men seek respect more than anything else so I have made a conscious decision to strive to do better. Regardless of what life hands to you, don’t shit all over your spouse (Yes I went there) Remember you can’t take words back no matter how many times you apologize and respect isn’t about the person deserving it. People will treat your marriage based on how you present it to them.
Invest in your marriage
Just like you with your career or even with yourself, invest in your marriage. One thing we did for the first time this year was to attend marriage seminars and boy has it made a huge difference in our relationship. It opened my eyes in ways I just can’t put into words and your marriage doesn’t have to be in crisis to do this. It’s like a good refresher and that is never a bad thing.
Forgiveness is a blessing
This right here is huge for me, I have to give my husband props here. He has laid an amazing foundation when it comes to forgiveness that I am learning how to be better at this for myself and for our relationship. No one is perfect and you will mess up from time to time (just saying) but holding on to grudges hurts you and not the other person. Remember this the next time to alter these words “I’ll never forgive this.”
Realness will take you places
Marriage is more than butterflies, great sex, kids, wealth, adventure you know all that good stuff we see highlighted and fed to us from childhood. I have experienced many lows in marriage and nope I won’t go into any of this LOL but one thing that helped with my lows is being real with myself. No need to fake it! I mean for who?? Be real about your situation cos that is the only place real change happens. Whatever it is you have on your plate when it comes to your marriage embrace it and work on it (except if you’re in an abusive relationship) Masking it or running away from it only works temporarily. If it means seeking help or leaning on others(trusted individuals) do so. Suffering in silence doesn’t help you nor your marriage.
I am ending with this, Great marriages don’t just happen, it happens when two people are willing to put the other first regardless of what they receive in return. Scary! I know but imagine the possibilities if you allow yourself to be just that to someone else. It’s not about what he or she deserves. The perfect example is with Jesus Christ. Just as He died for me even when I wasn’t deserving of His love. One thing I have observed over the years is that my relationship with husband is at its’ best when my relationship with God is on the incline. You might also like THIS post.
Photos were from our family vacation to Paris in June. Stay tuned for my Europe vacay post.